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Face your losses or they will face you

Genesis 5:5 (GW)
5 Adam lived a total of 930 years; then he died.

Genesis 9:28-29 (GW)
28 Noah lived 350 years after the flood.
29 Noah lived a total of 950 years; then he died.
Genesis 25:7-8 (GW)
7 Abraham lived 175 years.
8 Then he took his last breath, and died at a very old age. After a long and full life, he joined his ancestors in death.

Then he (or she) died. Those words have been springing off the pages of my Bible lately. It’s not surprising. My ministry of listening and compassion is with those who are very ill…and…my Mother is at the end of her life. Several people I love dearly are also very ill.
During this season, I’ve had to take stock of my emotions… it’s difficult to watch those you love suffer. I’ve read books and reviewed notes on seminars and courses I’ve taken on grieving since I deal with it in my ministry.  I’ve written about grief and how the Lord has helped me heal so that I could be effective in his purposes for me. I share my experiences because I believe that unresolved grief keeps us from achieving the things that God has called us to do. Now I’m sharing another tool that I found useful.

Loss Graph History
This exercise is a must for all pastoral caregivers. Until we understand how grief works in our lives, it’s difficult to be effective listeners and caregivers for patients, family and friends.  Start your timeline with the year you were born. Add all your losses – for example: deaths, divorces, pet losses, moves, graduations, new job, job loss, empty nest, financial setbacks, retirement – any events that are significant.

Be thoughtful with your loss graph. Once you see the results, take a look at each event to determine if you allowed yourself to grieve. You may be surprised. I’m aware of my losses because I’ve had to deal with them on a professional level for my ministry – through classes and seminars. You may need to talk through your grief with family or a professional. 
Resolving grief removes a huge burden – I know it did for me. As I go on my Mom’s journey, I remind myself that it’s OK to be sad, to take a break, to rest and to run into God’s arms. He rescues me all the time.


  1. Blanca,

    Really good post. Helpful graph tool idea as well.

    I've found that I have been an expert at avoiding loss. Not that I consciously sweep it under the rug. It's more like, "Well Lord, this did not take you by surprise. I know that I will receive and give, so I give this to you."

    The problem is that 5 or 10 years after the loss (depending upon how big a loss) it surfaces as uncontrolable crying while I'm driving long-distance on some trip.

    The weirdest response was: One day i got REALLY angry over getting lost (I'm talking about unreasonably angry. Very out of character for me ). I banged my fist several times into the padded stearing wheel. My wife looked at me in amazement. "Honey, it's not that big a deal. Let me get the map out." I knew she was right, but I was SO ANGRY.

    Later, I asked the Lord about it in prayer. He gave me a word of knowledge. He said, "David, you were not angry because you were lost." I argued with Him. Then I asked, "Well . . . what WAS I mad at?"

    "You were mad at Me." He said.

    "What? No way Lord. I love you."

    "David, you were mad at me because you and Marcy lost your only child."

    Then I bawled and admitted how really painful that was at the time (Understand: This was NEVER a conscious thought of mine since the actual event). WOW!! What a cleansing and healing as the Lord and I spent the next hour talking together about the pain and His answers for me.

    SO thanks again Blanca. I need to find out how to address things sooner and I really try. I just find it so hard to go into painful areas. Blessings.

    1. Dear David,
      Thank you for sharing your grief experience. Unlike you, I blamed God for many years for my losses. I also got a powerful word of knowledge when God told me that I needed to let my dad go. Losses that we allow to pile up really haunt us at various times and areas of our lives. I'll post titles of several books that have helped me understand the process from a ministry perspective. But you know, it's always easier to help others than come to terms with our own losses. We are so human. :) God understands.
      God bless you in your powerful ministry.


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